this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
