1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize