First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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