Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
