I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
