Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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