something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
