some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They have beer where we have blood.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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