If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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