i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im just a social blackout drinker.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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