What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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