well I can't set my house on fire every night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He felt like a one man threesome
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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