she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
