you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
