OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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