She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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