i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
