I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
