Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
