i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
40s are totally the cure
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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