They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
