i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
