After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
