That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
