The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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