So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize