p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
