I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
