I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
