Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
