My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
