My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
