all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
