I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
