atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
