Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
