He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
