i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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