i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want nice things and good sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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