I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
