I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
