Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
