u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
