Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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