Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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