I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
