He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
