You made me cry and you don't even care
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
