You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
