you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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