therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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