My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
