Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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