i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize