Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn

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  (708): it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn http://tfl.nu/jekg
  Replies (5) Good night (923) Bad night (1206)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

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  (716): I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad. http://tfl.nu/80p7
  Replies (27) Good night (6412) Bad night (724)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???

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  (616): So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo??? http://tfl.nu/k6yj
  Replies (22) Good night (1039) Bad night (4903)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

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  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (4252) Bad night (1789)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

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  (720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx
  Replies (4) Good night (5449) Bad night (918)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....

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  (248): Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs.... http://tfl.nu/1yzr
  Replies (19) Good night (2811) Bad night (1059)
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  (619): View more from California

  Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.

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  (619): Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell. http://tfl.nu/xu8z
  Replies (10) Good night (5590) Bad night (824)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other

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  (608): I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other http://tfl.nu/go45
  Replies (15) Good night (3339) Bad night (947)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?

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  (859): I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!? http://tfl.nu/cr9e
  Replies (6) Good night (549) Bad night (1346)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

  (801): View more from Utah

  Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

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  (239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2
  Replies (5) Good night (2142) Bad night (596)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.

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  (+44): I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye. http://tfl.nu/9vv3
  Replies (5) Good night (1489) Bad night (1848)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.

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  (519): If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving. http://tfl.nu/lmm0
  Replies (10) Good night (1062) Bad night (761)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I had to warn the neighbors

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Warn them about what?! It's noon

  (914): View more from New York

  "Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...

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  (914): I had to warn the neighbors (757): Warn them about what?! It's noon (914): "Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess... http://tfl.nu/j7iv
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (306)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.

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  (402): Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans. (605): Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon. http://tfl.nu/v291
  Replies (1) Good night (741) Bad night (414)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.

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  (203): They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man. http://tfl.nu/uirl
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (226)

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