1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
