so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.