update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas