I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?