Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?

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  (802): Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit? http://tfl.nu/yu0u
  Replies (26) Good night (4231) Bad night (1375)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.

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  (301): just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom. http://tfl.nu/qack
  Replies (30) Good night (5397) Bad night (1134)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

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  (+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/pfxy
  Replies (6) Good night (4497) Bad night (1181)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.

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  (478): Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up. http://tfl.nu/imv1
  Replies (11) Good night (4174) Bad night (1644)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense

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  (484): so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense http://tfl.nu/m14d
  Replies (8) Good night (1974) Bad night (674)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.

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  (815): Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/t0xa
  Replies (7) Good night (2787) Bad night (542)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.

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  (417): Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast. http://tfl.nu/el84
  Replies (3) Good night (874) Bad night (680)
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  (858): View more from California

  The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.

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  (858): The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out. http://tfl.nu/1ep1
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (261)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.

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  (941): Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door. http://tfl.nu/cryx
  Replies (5) Good night (444) Bad night (680)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!

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  (306): our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening! http://tfl.nu/jbji
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (285)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?

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  (802): When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean? http://tfl.nu/44u3
  Replies (4) Good night (1245) Bad night (338)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.

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  (703): She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic. http://tfl.nu/ch95
  Replies (3) Good night (751) Bad night (487)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco

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  (337): You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco http://tfl.nu/5cvy
  Replies (1) Good night (334) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it

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  (724): My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe. (1-724): I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it http://tfl.nu/uinn
  Replies (5) Good night (808) Bad night (297)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.

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  (602): So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk. http://tfl.nu/56hg
  Replies (2) Good night (381) Bad night (547)

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