i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
