I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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