Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
