Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
