one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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