An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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