Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
