All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
