trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
