peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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