hotel room ftw
Screwed.edu
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
