My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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