You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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