I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
