1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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