My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
