They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
