the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
