My hand turned me down
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
