i already hear my dad disowning me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
