Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
