He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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